This and That, Here and There

I didn't go extinct, I just didn't make writing the most important thing to do. I did a lot of things since the last time I wrote a blog. I know real bloggers say you need to write often to keep your readers. I hate it that you checked back often and I didn't have anything new for you. Thanks for checking anyway. I appreciate your interest in our lives. I will give you a summary of May- July.

I travelled to PA twice, to TN once and to OH once. The one trip to PA was for a family gathering with my Mom and siblings. There are nine of us and we were all together for a day. It was rainy but we had a good time together in spite of the weather. My mother is 84 and some of my siblings have had various health conditions. We consider it a blessing to be together for a day every year and are keenly aware that Jonathan is missing and that life is fragile and we never know who will leave next.

The second trip to PA was spent at my Aunts auction. She is the Aunt that did the FL trip with Mom, Marty and I. It was so special to spend the day with cousins. Marty and my Mother were also there and my sister Nancy. I got to see a host of long ago folks that I never see or even know anymore.

My children and I did a weekend trip to TN to attend the wedding of a family friend. Jessica's family so graciously hosted us and it was a very relaxing weekend.

I also planted garden since my last post and it has grown by leaps and bounds. We had lots of rain earlier but  then several weeks of less rain had me a little worried about the garden. However the corn is forming ears and the tomatoes and beans are hanging on heavy. We ate some early corn and some critters also ate some. I am blaming the coons. We still have 2 more large patches of corn that I did not plant for any 4 legged critter. Several weeks ago a little nephew was in my garden eating the raw peas. I had just been telling him about some critters that we had seen earlier and then I went off to other things. Suddenly I heard him yelling," There's a critter in the garden"! I looked out his way and he said in a laughing voice," It's just me". Little Cody's sense of humor is awesome!

I planted a lot of corn this year but I honestly did plant less tomatoes and peppers and cucumbers. I planted corn for Randy's and Justin's too so one evening they all came over to weed it. They also all came home another evening to help with outside work. That is so very special to me and I appreciate all they do for me.

I let the chickens take care of the tater bugs again like I did last year and it worked perfect. But we have had to keep a close eye on the chickens because a hawk killed one and last week another chicken lost its life. We have seen coons, skunks and a fox around here so I suppose one of them did the killing tho' I don't know what was the point cuz he left it lay after he killed it. I didn't think that was necessary at all!

Carlin was doing some fun painting projects lately. I bought the little car at a yard sale when Randall was a lil fellow. After 22  years of abuse from 5 boys it wasn't very nice anymore. Carlin gave it a really good face lift and Mckenzie loves playing with it. I think its pretty cool that it still functions.

We also passed the 3rd Father's Day without Jonathan. It was on the weekend that we were in TN and somehow those days are not as hard if we are not at home. It must be because when we are gone we are more distracted from our own little world. I also got through another anniversary day. I do not enjoy those days, however I was blessed again by friends that remembered. I am still learning to go on with life without my best friend but I never get used to it. When my friends celebrate another anniversary I am happy with them, but it stings in my heart, when I see a happy couple in church or in town I am thrilled but there is a part of me that gets knotted, and there are many days that I want to share a happy event with Jonathan, I want him to taste some good food or I want his opinion or direction on a matter and I know it will never ever happen. And that still makes me sad! I still wish I could change that, I still wish he was here and we could get old together....but we won't. I still melt into a puddle of tears at times when we sing a song at church that brings back a memory.  I miss him when I get up in the morning, I miss him when I go to bed, I missed him when we went camping and had fun on the pontoon. I miss him when we go to church and when I go to the office of our business. I miss him when I have a leak in the sink and when the vehicle needs inspection. I miss him when Jeremy is on the auction block at a local benefit auction. I want so bad for Jonathan to feel the pride and joy of having a son follow the dream he could not accomplish. Every day is another day of accepting reality.You see I spent almost 24 years working on 2 becoming one. Now suddenly its just me, me trying to live as one after being complete with 2. Its hard going back to one becoming one! Its much harder then 2 becoming one. Its not shocking like it was at first but it still stings and bites. Every day I lean into God's grace and every day He gives what I need. I'm still amazed at His Faithfulness. I'm busy with life and I go here and there and I'm very grateful for the blessings that I get to enjoy. I am also very aware of what I had and don't have anymore. The adjustment is hard and being a widow is a constant challenge.





I've also been reading. That does not change either. The book My Ways Are Higher by Maryann Martin was so good for me. She wrote about her husbands death and her feelings in a raw honest way. I could only read it when I was alone because I would cry rivers of tears. Another book What Grieving People wish you Knew by Nancy Guthrie was also so encouraging to me. Its always a comfort to know that I am not the only person that gets confused in this journey of grief.

 I'll be back with more tales of the summer. I didn't tell you about my Ohio trip or our camping trip or what God has been teaching me about contentment and complaining. Stay Tuned!

Back To Eden

Carlin treated me with a latte and a snack

One of my favorite magazines is The Mother Earth News. I love the gardening tips, the natural remedies to conquering bugs in the garden, the reciepes for natural health care and growing herbs. I love reading about making your home energy efficient and learning about solar panels. I like reading stories about people that "live off the grid' and how they learned to live with less and still have more. I don't really know why I get fascinated with those stories because a lot of it was the way of life when I was growing up. I know that makes it sound like I am old and from the old school. I don't think I am either of those but....I grew up with gardening, Every virtous Amish women had a large garden. We hung up the laundry on the clothes line to dry in every kind of weather except rain, it won't dry in the rain you no. We canned LOTS and LOTS of fruits and pickles and meat and ketchup and pizza sauce and soups. We picked bushels of peas until our backs ached and we begged to stop. We husked 100's of ears of corn and then froze the veggies for winter eating. Green beans and tomatoes and taters and lettuce and radishes and asparagus and rhubarb all had there places in Moms garden. We hoed and tilled and pulled weeds and got hot and sweaty every single summer! Not because it was the IN thing to do, not because it was some new fad and we were "going green". It was the way of life. Now it's the cool thing to do! How neat is that. You grow up with good working values and later it becomes the thing that "COOL" people do.




I found it amusing several years ago when I saw a magazine with then, First Lady Mrs. Obama out in the White House garden. They of course were encouraging folks to grow gardens, after all Mrs. President worked in hers. At least that was the message I got. Interestingly enough she had dress boots and gloves on, neither of which I would find as proper attire to work in my garden. Actually, I do wear gloves sometimes, when I am pulling weeds.

Same with hanging up laundry to dry instead of using the dryer. Its the new rage. Save electricity, go green! Wow. Its all old faithful tips that our grandparents did because there was no other way to do it.I find it a little amusing!

Mckenzie loving the slide

 I think its sad though how that in all this "going green" rage people get a very earthy mentality. Recently "Earth Day" was celebrated. It seems to me that more honor is given to "Mother Earth" then is actually right and proper. I don't know why they want to be so earthy and not recognize God. I mean this earth could give us nothing if God hadn't first created it all. So I think it makes more sense to thank God for this beautiful earth that He gave us and do our best to be good stewards.

And I still love to garden! I think I don't have the diligent passion that I did at some seasons in my life and I think that is because Jonathan used to be fun to work with in the garden and I miss him a  lot. I know though that when I get out there and walk behind the tiller and get the feel of dirt between my toes ( I only work in the garden in my barefeet ) and up to my ankles, the passion will be back. I'll be eager to pick the first strawberries and peas and all the other goodies that a garden produces. The boys are not always as eager to eat those fresh veggies as I am. They still get more excited about fresh chocolate chip cookies then they do about rhubarb pie. They think peas are a lot of bother because you pick a bucketful and end up with a little bowl full to eat, and the peas from Food Loin are just as good. Oh well, they still help when I ask them to.

My little flock of chickens

One thing I have noticed a lot in magazines is that they praise the idea of letting chickens graze the garden. They eat bugs and they fertilize as they go. Sounds like a perfect plan until the beautiful red tomatoes are hanging on the vine! My anger was kindled more then once last year at the chickens in the garden! They did however really help me out when my potatoes were covered with potato bugs. I cut back on the chicken feed and then invited them into the garden and I put table scraps in the tater rows. Those chickens walked up and down the rows until the bugs were all eaten or else they were to scared to be seen. It worked perfect! But they loved eating tomatoes too and then I was not happy!

There is a new method of gardening that is also the "In" thing. It is called Back to Eden. You are supposed to cover the garden in the fall with bark chips and then make your rows and plant your seeds in that and not till it under. I'm fascinated at watching some folks do it but getting the chips and mulching the whole garden is about as much work as just tilling and weeding. It is fun to read about it and it seems to make sense so I hope it isvery successful for everyone that does it.

I also have an air purifier that is called "Eden Pure". There must be something about "Eden" that we want. The "Eden" before sin came. When the air was pure and the Lord came to walk and talk with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day. When working in the garden was pure delight, no weeds and sweat, just something fun to do. Sin changed it all and now we have thorns and thistles, bugs and disease that eat up our plants.

But because of Jesus and His great love and sacrifice we have the glorious hope of freedom from this earth and its toil and pain. We can look forward to that new life in Heaven!
       Get Ready.... That Day is COMING! 

The Weeping Willow

 I lived with my family in PA, in the heart of Amish country. My parents decided to move to Central PA and they did that in April of 1978, I was 7 years old. Going to a new school for the last several weeks of the term was scary but being farmers we needed to move in the spring of the year.

I don't remember very many details about the move at all except the morning we left Lancaster, all the stuff was loaded on to the truck and I ate cereal out of a cool whip container before we got into the van to make the 3 hour road trip. That same trip can be done now in just a little over 2 hours, thanks to better roads and a higher speed limit.

ready to leave starting a new life

 There is however one memory that is seared into my mind, and I don't really know when it took place except I am assuming it was sometime before the move, like maybe sometime when we went to visit the area during the time my Dad was farm shopping. It could have been 1976 but I don't really know. Jonathan's parents lived in that area. We were riding in a van and drove into their place.Being a little Amish girl it was normal to travel in a van with a "driver" taking us. We did not own a vehicle. Whenever we went anywhere that was to far for a horse we called a "driver". Amish country has plenty of semi retired folks that like to make a little money on the side, so they do it by driving the Amish when they need to go shopping or take them on trips. It was not a deprived feeling, it was simply a way of life. So we drove on to the farm where Wilmer's lived. A white barn and house with a big weeping willow tree in the yard. There was a little boy hanging on to the willows and swinging back and forth. I don't remember anything else...I'm sure my parents talked to Wilmers, maybe we even got out of the van, I don't know. I do know that ever since that day I have wanted a weeping willow tree.

I would like to make the story better and say that the little boy was Jonathan and that it was love at first sight. That part is not clear to me. He did have several more blond haired brothers but with the age he would have been its not real likely that another brother was old enough to swing on a weeping willow tree. So its very possible that it was him.

However when I first told him the story and that I wanted a weeping willow tree, I was disappointed because he did not share my love for weeping willow trees! He said they were a dirty tree and made to much yard work, needing to clean up etc. It wasn't hard for me to tell that that was settled in his mind. I did  still remind him at times that I wanted a weeping willow tree but I always got the same response. In the spring of 2013 I asked again. Don't tell my children I was such a beggar. This time I had a plan. Could we please plant it just on the other side of the fence by the garden then it would be in the meadow, the cows could lay in the shade and I could enjoy the sight of a weeping willow tree from the house and the garden and he would not ever have to clean up the mess it made?! I was DELIGHTED when he said YES! I even stopped at several greenhouses to see if they had any but it was still to early in the season .

thank God for friends and flowers

Several weeks later we were on a cancer journey and the weeping willow tree became the least of my concerns. There were many other things crowding my mind!

I think about the tree again...a lot. I don't plan to plant one on this property. I'm afraid about when it would be big enough to enjoy I would decide to move to a smaller house, so that is pointless. But I wonder...

 Somehow I think there could be a willow tree down by the Jordan River just across from the streets of Gold and Jonathan could be sitting under it enjoying the swinging beauty and yes of course,with no mess to clean up!! And that thought makes me smile.

March was a full month. It was good too with lots of interesting things! Justin and Jessica got married! That was the best thing.I missed Jonathan a lot that day but it was special knowing that his blessing was on them. There was another person missing that day. Jessica had an Aunt who passed away from cancer in 2013. She was a good friend of ours and I thought about her a lot as well. She would have loved that day and I would have loved to share it with her! However, I do not doubt that the good times in Heaven far exceed anything on this earth. Justin and Jessica are now settled into their beautiful home several miles from my house. Some friends helped me get it clean while they were gone. Thank God for friends!I am so happy to have another daughter!Her Mother and sister were here for a few days to help her get the wedding gifts washed and her kitchen set in order.

Randalls and David were in Montana for a week to attend Mary's brother's wedding. It was strange to just have Jeremy and Carlin here with me. It makes a big difference in the food and laundry when another one is gone. That is the change that is a bit difficult for me...so few people at home!

We just passed the 2 year mark of Jonathan's passing. Two years of no pain, 2 years of talking without stroke problems, 2 years of no worries, 2 years of perfect bliss...and it will never end!

our first outside campfire supper

Sometimes we folks that have lost loved ones get the feeling that other people think we need to "just get over it and get on with life". Maybe that is just our imaginations but it is something we do face.Those things hurt terribly and they cause us to build walls around ourselves. A person told me recently that she missed her husband after 14 years of being gone so much and she cried more then she had in a long time. I don't understand grief either. It seems to be a constant process and when we go through hard things during our grief we deal with the "hard thing" maybe differently then you would because we are also missing our loved one and feel an intense need to share our problem with them but we can't. Our super sensitive mind is not always beneficial to our spirit but we do want to be what God wants. Thank you for caring! I read a quote on a widows blog that I find so true.....
                                   You never get over it, It just gets different.

I think I mentioned before that my life is never boring. This week is no exception. David has 7 friends here for several days. They have been turkey hunting every morning. So far no success but they are having fun. It almost feels like I am running a boys home but at least none of them have any special needs. Keeping them fed is not hard either. They have gone out to eat a few times and one of them brought a smoked brisket that was amazing!! It is a busy and interesting week.

 At some point you have to let go of what you thought should happen, and live in what is happening.