Father's Day Again

summer 2013

I found it very hard to believe that we did the 2nd Father's Day without Jonathan. I remember last years way to vividly, like it was just last month. Our trip to PA and the vehicle I had just bought broke down. Our stay at Marty's house and then coming home with her car. I remember the fear and the questions to God....what does this mean? What are you trying to teach me? and lots more. I don't know that I really got any answers, some things in life just don't make any sense.

And now we passed that day again.....it was a hard day. It was fine too,but I just wanted to get it over, passed, behind me. I get tired of remembering, wishing life was still what it used to be, and its not and never will be.Grief is crazy like that....some days memories make me smile, other days they make me cry and wish it was more then a memory and I wish I didn't need to remember, I wish the memory wouldn't hurt and then I realize its the reality that hurts, the realization that the past is gone and I won't get to live that life again. And life goes on.


my 5 guys

my lil sweetie

I do want to celebrate the men in my life tho' and I deeply regret that the pictures I meant to take at our recent family gatherings, I forgot to take them. My Dad passed away in Jan 2003. He was a man that loved God, his wife and his children, in that order. My parents enjoyed 50 years together and I don't know that they ever got bored with each other. They worked hard when they were young and in their older years when Dad's health was declining they continued to do everything together that they could. The love and kindness to each other that they showed was such a blessing to our family and my siblings have said many times that we want a marriage just like mom and dad had. I remember advice from dad I remember compliments and I remember being instructed. I remember the interest he took in my friends and how he enjoyed when the youth group came to our house. I remember seeing and hearing him read the Bible and I remember his prayers at family devotions. When my dad died it was the hardest thing that I had ever faced! I wonder what his discussions are like in Heaven with Jonathan.

I have 4 brothers that are very important to me, but none of them live around me. My brothers are all older then I am and I look up to them as men of wisdom and men of God. They have been my prayer warriors and strong supporters in the past several years and I am very thankful for my 4 brothers!

My father- in-law and 4 brothers-in-law are also very important to me! They have surrounded me with love and care and support in the past and still do. I am truly blessed to have them in my life! They are also scattered around the globe and only one brother lives in this community.

And last but not least are my 5 sons! They are the biggest blessings any mother could have! I love their kindness and thoughtfulness, their willingness to help me with gardening and yard work and dishes and many things that would just take me forever to do by myself. My sons do not let me get bored. They are constantly on the move and try to pull me into the adventures. Living in a houseful of male figures is sometimes a bit stretching especially when I'm the only one with a women's view point in a discussion. I am also still learning that it is better to take life with a not so dramatic approach, like maybe just go with the flow and not get " all in a wad".....as they tell me. I'm trying hard to learn from them and still teach them the things that are important to women....listen, help, care and be sensitive. They don't have any sisters to practice on so I try to give them plenty of opportunities to practice their gentleman skills. I hope that they stay with me for a long time!!

Several weeks ago when I was at the Widows Retreat I met many people and heard many sad stories. There was a lot of grief at that place all weekend. I was in a discussion with another widow and I mentioned that Jonathan was a person that loved people and the days of the viewing and burial I constantly felt like I wanted to tell him about all the people. He would have loved being in that group of people and seeing all his friends. She had the same feelings and then she said that she was amazed at all the nice things people said about her husband. She said," It would have been so encouraging to him if he would have known the things he was appreciated for." I have been pondering that statement ever since. Why do you suppose we are slow at compliments and quick to criticize? Why do we wait to mention a persons good deeds until they are gone? What is wrong with us? What if that encouraging comment would get that friend out of despair? What if they just need to hear you say, "Wow, you are really good at that." I really like your positive outlook in life or your smile makes my day brighter, or you handle your children so kindly, or your talent in music or sending cards is amazing. I don't think an honest compliment will swell his head, I think its more that we just are not good at expressing appreciation. Will you join me in being a person that encourages others. Lets give them the roses while they live!

they call me mom

Justin and Jessica

We are staying busy. We enjoyed both family gatherings this month and I'm glad they are done now. Gardening is keeping me very busy with the awesome rains and sunny days but that is another story for another blog. Justin is a very happy young man since Jessica became part of his life and he is off to TN this weekend again. I don't know how much I may write about him but lets just say that this friendship was brewing for a long time and Jonathan and I even talked about them together. It would be so much fun to share this joy with him but it is very special knowing that his approval is on it.

And I can't end this blog without bragging like a grandma. Mckenzie is growing and being a sweet lil miss. We all love her smiles and baby talk. She is never lacking attention when she comes to this house. Over the years people have told me that the girls would come eventually....well, I'm thrilled about the 3 that have entered my life!

So my life continues much like yours. There are hard things to face and joys to give us another boost. We are not alone and we will continue to walk with The Father who never leaves us.