This and That, Here and There

I didn't go extinct, I just didn't make writing the most important thing to do. I did a lot of things since the last time I wrote a blog. I know real bloggers say you need to write often to keep your readers. I hate it that you checked back often and I didn't have anything new for you. Thanks for checking anyway. I appreciate your interest in our lives. I will give you a summary of May- July.

I travelled to PA twice, to TN once and to OH once. The one trip to PA was for a family gathering with my Mom and siblings. There are nine of us and we were all together for a day. It was rainy but we had a good time together in spite of the weather. My mother is 84 and some of my siblings have had various health conditions. We consider it a blessing to be together for a day every year and are keenly aware that Jonathan is missing and that life is fragile and we never know who will leave next.

The second trip to PA was spent at my Aunts auction. She is the Aunt that did the FL trip with Mom, Marty and I. It was so special to spend the day with cousins. Marty and my Mother were also there and my sister Nancy. I got to see a host of long ago folks that I never see or even know anymore.

My children and I did a weekend trip to TN to attend the wedding of a family friend. Jessica's family so graciously hosted us and it was a very relaxing weekend.

I also planted garden since my last post and it has grown by leaps and bounds. We had lots of rain earlier but  then several weeks of less rain had me a little worried about the garden. However the corn is forming ears and the tomatoes and beans are hanging on heavy. We ate some early corn and some critters also ate some. I am blaming the coons. We still have 2 more large patches of corn that I did not plant for any 4 legged critter. Several weeks ago a little nephew was in my garden eating the raw peas. I had just been telling him about some critters that we had seen earlier and then I went off to other things. Suddenly I heard him yelling," There's a critter in the garden"! I looked out his way and he said in a laughing voice," It's just me". Little Cody's sense of humor is awesome!

I planted a lot of corn this year but I honestly did plant less tomatoes and peppers and cucumbers. I planted corn for Randy's and Justin's too so one evening they all came over to weed it. They also all came home another evening to help with outside work. That is so very special to me and I appreciate all they do for me.

I let the chickens take care of the tater bugs again like I did last year and it worked perfect. But we have had to keep a close eye on the chickens because a hawk killed one and last week another chicken lost its life. We have seen coons, skunks and a fox around here so I suppose one of them did the killing tho' I don't know what was the point cuz he left it lay after he killed it. I didn't think that was necessary at all!

Carlin was doing some fun painting projects lately. I bought the little car at a yard sale when Randall was a lil fellow. After 22  years of abuse from 5 boys it wasn't very nice anymore. Carlin gave it a really good face lift and Mckenzie loves playing with it. I think its pretty cool that it still functions.

We also passed the 3rd Father's Day without Jonathan. It was on the weekend that we were in TN and somehow those days are not as hard if we are not at home. It must be because when we are gone we are more distracted from our own little world. I also got through another anniversary day. I do not enjoy those days, however I was blessed again by friends that remembered. I am still learning to go on with life without my best friend but I never get used to it. When my friends celebrate another anniversary I am happy with them, but it stings in my heart, when I see a happy couple in church or in town I am thrilled but there is a part of me that gets knotted, and there are many days that I want to share a happy event with Jonathan, I want him to taste some good food or I want his opinion or direction on a matter and I know it will never ever happen. And that still makes me sad! I still wish I could change that, I still wish he was here and we could get old together....but we won't. I still melt into a puddle of tears at times when we sing a song at church that brings back a memory.  I miss him when I get up in the morning, I miss him when I go to bed, I missed him when we went camping and had fun on the pontoon. I miss him when we go to church and when I go to the office of our business. I miss him when I have a leak in the sink and when the vehicle needs inspection. I miss him when Jeremy is on the auction block at a local benefit auction. I want so bad for Jonathan to feel the pride and joy of having a son follow the dream he could not accomplish. Every day is another day of accepting reality.You see I spent almost 24 years working on 2 becoming one. Now suddenly its just me, me trying to live as one after being complete with 2. Its hard going back to one becoming one! Its much harder then 2 becoming one. Its not shocking like it was at first but it still stings and bites. Every day I lean into God's grace and every day He gives what I need. I'm still amazed at His Faithfulness. I'm busy with life and I go here and there and I'm very grateful for the blessings that I get to enjoy. I am also very aware of what I had and don't have anymore. The adjustment is hard and being a widow is a constant challenge.





I've also been reading. That does not change either. The book My Ways Are Higher by Maryann Martin was so good for me. She wrote about her husbands death and her feelings in a raw honest way. I could only read it when I was alone because I would cry rivers of tears. Another book What Grieving People wish you Knew by Nancy Guthrie was also so encouraging to me. Its always a comfort to know that I am not the only person that gets confused in this journey of grief.

 I'll be back with more tales of the summer. I didn't tell you about my Ohio trip or our camping trip or what God has been teaching me about contentment and complaining. Stay Tuned!