The Widow part 2

Widows want so desperately be like normal people that it is hard for them sometimes to accept help and for sure to be specific about what their needs really are. It may be that the husband was sick for a long time and they had so much help that now after his death she so bad wants to be normal and do her own thing. She is shocked into reality though when she discovers that her normal is gone and she has no idea how to live without help and even less idea how to ask for help. The following are some ways that widows have been helped.

A couple stopped at the widows house every Sat. to do anything that she needed help with.

A friend called the widow and said lets go out for dinner.

Every month on the date of the death a friend would text the widow and remind her that she is prayed for.

The widow and her children got a paid vacation to the west coast.

The Deacon's wife asked the widow if she wanted to be taken off the "Host Family" schedule.

The widow has an older couple from church that she can talk to about anything and has complete confidence that they will never share her stories.

The church takes scheduled offerings for the widows.

Friends that come to visit bring food and they eat together and the widow has no stress about feeding company.

Friends take huge amounts of groceries to the widows house several times a year.

The death date is remembered by sending flowers to the widow.

A new riding mower was given to the widow by church friends.

The widow finds food in her car after church.

Friends invite her to a restaurant for supper with them.

Cards of encouragement remind her that she is not forgotten.

Gift cards to restaurants free her from cooking.

Friends remember to talk about him when they are together and they tell the widow that they miss him today.

Stacks of wood are cut for the widow.

She gets text messages from friends on his birthday reminding her that they care about her loss.

A community formed a Men to Mend group...in the group were men that were skilled in different occupations. If a widow needed something done she called them and they would send 2 men to do her work. She provided the material and they gave the labor.

Suggestions.........

When you ask your husband to do something for you think about the widow down the road or in your church and call her just to see if she has any specific needs, if she does, offer to get it done for her with your husbands help.

Do not tell a widow to call if she needs anything...she won't. I have not yet talked with anyone that appreciated this offer, and I also know that the well meaning people do not understand why widows can't do this. Honestly I don't know if we widows know why we can't. Maybe its our pride, maybe its because life is so hard and confusing we don't know what we want. In all of the maybe's, I think the most real answer is .....we do not want to be beggars, needy, asking. It makes us feel much more loved and cared for if others bless us because they got a prompting from God. Anything is an act of kindness and your gift whether we really needed it or not warms our hearts and reminds us that you care.

Instead be specific....when you get your mower ready for the summer ask her if hers needs a tune up?

When you get your mulch for the season, ask her if you could deliver hers...and help her put it down.

When you pressure wash your house ask her if you may do hers.

When you plow your garden ask her if you can plow hers too.

Ask her about her vehicle inspection, and if her car is running properly.

Ask her if she has any leaking faucets or any kind of mans work to do. If she says yes, plan an evening, take your tools and your wife and bless her.

If she has boys invite them with you for an evening of fishing.

Include her and her girls in your mother/daughter outing. She needs motivation and a change in scenery.

Listen to the widows conversation....did she mention her fridge quit working? Will she need to buy a new one, or any other appliance?

Did she have children at the Dr. or do they have high dental costs?

Most widows barely make enough money for the necessities and extra costs are very difficult.

Never, never assume that you know what the widow wants. Don't even assume that she wants what you think you would want if you were a widow. Ask her! Talk to her! Listen to her! Often people get so eager to help in those first confusing months and the widow feels like everyone is planning her life. Some people are afraid to ask because they are afraid it will bring the hurt and pain back. Let me assure you.....it is very kind of you to consider that thought, but we did not forget the pain, it did not go away, you will not make it worse by asking how we want something done now that he is not here. We live with our loss every day 24/7 and when you are kind enough to ask our opinion on an issue concerning him we feel blessed. We feel very loved when you allow us to express our feelings instead of you assuming you know what they are.

Again I will say....every widow has her own needs. Her childrens ages and her financial situation can determine very much what her needs are.

There are many needs in a body of believers and when we really care about each other and take an interest in each others lives then our energy and love for each other can be showed in many ways. Whether you have families with wayward youth, older couples that can't get all of there work done alone or single ladies that struggle with finances and maintaining a property,or a widow that is trying to do life alone as a single parent, all of them could use a boost of encouragement in the form of a gift card to a restraunt, a note assuring them of your prayers, or a helping hand and a listening ear. Little is much when God is in it!

If you were one of those people that said,"How do we show a widow we care?' I hope this helps. I also hope that most of all in a small way you have gotten a glimpse into the heart of what is known as the" loneliest and most painful journey" that a person can experience. Someday that journey will be yours.