The Weeping Willow

 I lived with my family in PA, in the heart of Amish country. My parents decided to move to Central PA and they did that in April of 1978, I was 7 years old. Going to a new school for the last several weeks of the term was scary but being farmers we needed to move in the spring of the year.

I don't remember very many details about the move at all except the morning we left Lancaster, all the stuff was loaded on to the truck and I ate cereal out of a cool whip container before we got into the van to make the 3 hour road trip. That same trip can be done now in just a little over 2 hours, thanks to better roads and a higher speed limit.

ready to leave starting a new life

 There is however one memory that is seared into my mind, and I don't really know when it took place except I am assuming it was sometime before the move, like maybe sometime when we went to visit the area during the time my Dad was farm shopping. It could have been 1976 but I don't really know. Jonathan's parents lived in that area. We were riding in a van and drove into their place.Being a little Amish girl it was normal to travel in a van with a "driver" taking us. We did not own a vehicle. Whenever we went anywhere that was to far for a horse we called a "driver". Amish country has plenty of semi retired folks that like to make a little money on the side, so they do it by driving the Amish when they need to go shopping or take them on trips. It was not a deprived feeling, it was simply a way of life. So we drove on to the farm where Wilmer's lived. A white barn and house with a big weeping willow tree in the yard. There was a little boy hanging on to the willows and swinging back and forth. I don't remember anything else...I'm sure my parents talked to Wilmers, maybe we even got out of the van, I don't know. I do know that ever since that day I have wanted a weeping willow tree.

I would like to make the story better and say that the little boy was Jonathan and that it was love at first sight. That part is not clear to me. He did have several more blond haired brothers but with the age he would have been its not real likely that another brother was old enough to swing on a weeping willow tree. So its very possible that it was him.

However when I first told him the story and that I wanted a weeping willow tree, I was disappointed because he did not share my love for weeping willow trees! He said they were a dirty tree and made to much yard work, needing to clean up etc. It wasn't hard for me to tell that that was settled in his mind. I did  still remind him at times that I wanted a weeping willow tree but I always got the same response. In the spring of 2013 I asked again. Don't tell my children I was such a beggar. This time I had a plan. Could we please plant it just on the other side of the fence by the garden then it would be in the meadow, the cows could lay in the shade and I could enjoy the sight of a weeping willow tree from the house and the garden and he would not ever have to clean up the mess it made?! I was DELIGHTED when he said YES! I even stopped at several greenhouses to see if they had any but it was still to early in the season .

thank God for friends and flowers

Several weeks later we were on a cancer journey and the weeping willow tree became the least of my concerns. There were many other things crowding my mind!

I think about the tree again...a lot. I don't plan to plant one on this property. I'm afraid about when it would be big enough to enjoy I would decide to move to a smaller house, so that is pointless. But I wonder...

 Somehow I think there could be a willow tree down by the Jordan River just across from the streets of Gold and Jonathan could be sitting under it enjoying the swinging beauty and yes of course,with no mess to clean up!! And that thought makes me smile.

March was a full month. It was good too with lots of interesting things! Justin and Jessica got married! That was the best thing.I missed Jonathan a lot that day but it was special knowing that his blessing was on them. There was another person missing that day. Jessica had an Aunt who passed away from cancer in 2013. She was a good friend of ours and I thought about her a lot as well. She would have loved that day and I would have loved to share it with her! However, I do not doubt that the good times in Heaven far exceed anything on this earth. Justin and Jessica are now settled into their beautiful home several miles from my house. Some friends helped me get it clean while they were gone. Thank God for friends!I am so happy to have another daughter!Her Mother and sister were here for a few days to help her get the wedding gifts washed and her kitchen set in order.

Randalls and David were in Montana for a week to attend Mary's brother's wedding. It was strange to just have Jeremy and Carlin here with me. It makes a big difference in the food and laundry when another one is gone. That is the change that is a bit difficult for me...so few people at home!

We just passed the 2 year mark of Jonathan's passing. Two years of no pain, 2 years of talking without stroke problems, 2 years of no worries, 2 years of perfect bliss...and it will never end!

our first outside campfire supper

Sometimes we folks that have lost loved ones get the feeling that other people think we need to "just get over it and get on with life". Maybe that is just our imaginations but it is something we do face.Those things hurt terribly and they cause us to build walls around ourselves. A person told me recently that she missed her husband after 14 years of being gone so much and she cried more then she had in a long time. I don't understand grief either. It seems to be a constant process and when we go through hard things during our grief we deal with the "hard thing" maybe differently then you would because we are also missing our loved one and feel an intense need to share our problem with them but we can't. Our super sensitive mind is not always beneficial to our spirit but we do want to be what God wants. Thank you for caring! I read a quote on a widows blog that I find so true.....
                                   You never get over it, It just gets different.

I think I mentioned before that my life is never boring. This week is no exception. David has 7 friends here for several days. They have been turkey hunting every morning. So far no success but they are having fun. It almost feels like I am running a boys home but at least none of them have any special needs. Keeping them fed is not hard either. They have gone out to eat a few times and one of them brought a smoked brisket that was amazing!! It is a busy and interesting week.

 At some point you have to let go of what you thought should happen, and live in what is happening.