Confident With God

I have a blog post about ready to post that explains to you what has been happening in my life most of the year, so I won't detail that in this one. I haven't hit the send button for reasons like....its not the right time, its to honest, and I feel vulnerable when I let the world take a close look into my life. I think I will send it one day soon.

My life took on major change on Sept 13th when I opened Java Blend Cafe'. Those details are in another post.

 Being busy is a part of my life that I enjoy. Reading and writing are the avenues I use to release pressure and stress. I have stacks of books that I have picked up in the recent weeks that are calling for my attention. I told you before that the books I choose depend where I am in life and what I am doing. Several of the titles on my table now are, Emotional Intelligence by Dan Miller, Communication PLUS by Marita Littauer, and Taking The Risk by Ben Carson. I chose these books because I find myself in a position I never was in before....managing a business and working closely with employees. It is stretching and rewarding and I am very aware that I do not have the ability to make wise choices on my own and since I don't feel like learning everything the hard way, (by trial and error) I try to learn from people who are skilled teachers. I will never stop learning!

 Writing has taken the back seat in my life in the year 2018. That is also because of the many other things that require my attention. Often I felt the need to write, to get thoughts on paper, my fingers itched for the keyboard, I had ideas in my head, but they were squashed with more demanding things. I'm actually ok with that as well. It felt this year like God took me to places of intense focus, times when it was more important to listen then to be heard. I had soul searching days of struggle and wondering if I really understood His Plan for me. Many times I was powerless to change circumstances and could only wait on Him. And He never let me down! The answers to prayer have been" Above what I have asked for".

I also write for a ladies inspiration email group and have missed several deadlines. My weekly Budget letter in the Mennonite and Amish paper has dwindled very low. Its not because I don't care, and not because I don't want to write, its only that the demands of my new life have taken my scheduled life and thrown it to the wind. But it looks hopeful that my writing days are coming back. I'm seeing some stability and a certain form of schedule that comes with practice and learning and getting better at what one does. So even though I have been wanting to write I was also ok with this era of silence, this time of withdrawl and focusing on the demands of the day. Please pray for me, this venture is my ministry to my community and I am loving it!

The holidays always bring about that time of reflection when I look back and I deal with feelings of deep grief and genuine gratefulness, feelings of joy and sadness and the sharp pain of missing my husband. Its true that life goes on and we adjust to the new normal, but the holidays have a way of bringing back that intense desire for "what used to be". My children were here the Sunday before Christmas and we had a great time together. Randalls went to Montana for Christmas with Mary's family and plan to be back by the 5th. Justins spent part of the week in TN with Jessica's family. We spent Christmas day with some of the Zook family. Being surrounded by love is a blessing!

 We are at the threshold of the new year. There is not much time left to do things in 2018. What are your goals for 2019?  I was challenged in todays message at church to face the New Year with  confidence in God.

Mid - Life Crises

We've all heard it said by somebody that was in a time of uncertainty in their lives," I'm in mid-life crises". What really does that mean? I'm not here to really give any certain answers because its likely different for different people.

For some people the children may have all left home and suddenly you find yourself alone with your spouse and you wonder what life has to offer you now. Maybe after many years of being a homemaker and watching over many little people you suddenly discover one morning that your baby just went out the door and entered the world of school and you will be alone all day until the gang comes back home...and you wonder what to do in a quiet house by yourself all day!! Or perhaps you find yourself in a houseful of teenagers that appear smarter and wiser then you. Maybe you just had the big 40 birthday and the realization smacks you in the face that you still have unfulfilled dreams and time is running out. Did a life changing event take place and you can't find yourself settled in anything?

I don't know when I even first thought about mid-life crises. I do remember however when my 5th son entered 1st grade. Being alone in the house was a very big adjustment for me. Never mind the fact that there was lots of activity with the business here at home and Jonathan always came in for lunch. I was very seldom actually alone all day. It was still a big adjustment to not have any little ones around me.

 It was then that i discovered that unless I stayed busy and very occupied I would not function well. Jonathan was still recovering from his stroke 6 years prior and with a history of cancer anybody knows that it comes back way to often. My mind knew how to worry way to much and i did not enjoy those thoughts of fear and uncertainty. He encouraged me to do something that I would enjoy to help me stay focused. I sat in canning classes for 2 entire days to learn the regulations of canning to sell. I decided I didn't want to do that even though my inspector for the health department encouraged me to do it. I enjoyed canning but not good enough to do it to sell. Instead I started making fried pies to sell. That was a joint venture and we joked about making fried pies together after the boys take over the barn shop. God blessed our little efforts and it has kept me busier then i wanted to be sometimes.

I'm not sure how all of this mid-life stuff even works or how we know when its a mid-life crises or just a crises. After Jonathan passed away and I found myself very insecure and unsure about everything i felt like mid-life and grief hit me all at once, but maybe it wasn't the 2 together. Its hard to tell because grief has a way of causing you to totally loose yourself, at least the person that you used to be. I was reading about mid-life crises and found some interesting thoughts.

Mid-life should be a time of life to embrace change to become the person you dream to be.

Its important to have a positive outlook during mid-life so you can view it as a time for personal growth and improvement.

Sometimes mid-life is when we view ourselves as getting older and we realize we can't do all the things we used to do as quickly as we used to do them.

Here are 5 steps to help us ease into the aging process without to much shock

1.Sleep. Most people over 40 do not get the needed 7-8 hours of  uninterrupted sleep that they need for good health.

2.Stretch. Take a few minutes every day to stretch. If we do not use our muscles in activity they will waste away. Chronic back pain, muscle strain and many health issues are a result of being inactive. I know we all look forward to sitting on the porch and rocking with a large glass of sweet tea in our hand, but we need more muscle exsersize then just rocking!!

3. Get Moving. A daily walk can reduce blood pressure, heart rate,and strengthen the immune system.

4.Eat Healthy and Reduce sugar. An average American consumes 150-170 lbs of sugar each year! Oh dear, I hope i'm not the average. Sugar is the cause of much inflamation which has been related to many chronic diseases such as cancer, diabetes and arthritus. As little as 2 teaspoons of sugar can cause an imbalance in the body which is enough to invite disease. A diet high in sugar can leave your skin dull and wrinkly.

5. Accept that ageing is Inevitable. Your not as young as you might feel. We are going to get old unless we die young. Even though getting old may seem unpleasant we should be thankful we are blessed with many years.

I don't know what other people want from life .....everyone has there own dreams. I imagine there are many people that get what they want. I'm also sure that there are plenty of us that are disappointed because our dreams did not become reality. I suppose that's when we need Grace to accept the things that we can't change and be ok with life.


And so, could it be that whether we are in mid-life crises or perhaps simply facing changes or dealing with the reality that life did not give exactly what I hoped and dreamed....we look around and our friends are financially secure and they do what they want, when they want and go where they want, at least that's what it looks like to us, could it be that life is what we make it by our perspective? When I compare my life to what I wanted and what some others have then it becomes hard. But when I compare to those that have had and still have much less, many hardships and little support, it is then that I feel rich and blessed beyond measure.

There really are many changes in life. There really are plenty of things to deal with but an attitude of gratitude will make all the difference on really how hard life actually is.

God's Timing or Random Happenings

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he delighteth in HIs way. A long time ago a lady told me that she thinks the STOPS are ordered by God as well. That is something I am trying to grasp right now....because I am in a STOP position. Let me tell you....

a lovely pink explosion

the happy couple

Carlin's creation

The coffee shop has been coming along quite well. It has taken longer then we planned but it is getting done, thanks to a contractor from my church that is doing a fantastic job! However I have ordered natural gas since the middle of May and it is still not here. They told me then that it would be 2-3weeks. Its a little longer then that by now!! I am told the problem lies somewhere in a VDOT office where a new lady sits at the desk. The gas company is ready to do my job but she needs lots of paperwork that they have never had to do before. I cannot open until gas is here since my fryers and oven and water heater are all gas. We have started the final cleaning and have set up the dining room and within several days or a week we should be ready ......gas is the drawback!

I have been trying to figure out if this is all a part of God's timing or if its an annoyance I have to deal with because somewhere a woman is being difficult. I know...you are thinking that I need to commit it to God regardless of  the reason and I agree with you.... It seems to me that if I would know that this is God's perfect timing then I could rest better. But when a human being is actually making life difficult, well then it's just hard to be Ok with that. I found this quote and thought it was really good.

                    I CAN REST IN THE FACT THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL
                  WHICH MEANS I CAN FACE THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF MY CONTROL
                  AND NOT ACT OUT OF CONTROL.
So I'm sure I need to rest and let God take care of it.

Some exciting things have happened here as well! Grandbaby number 3 is well on the way and SHE will break the tie on the guy girl amount in this family. The girl number is growing! Justin's will welcome the little miss in Nov. They did a gender reveal one evening and when he shot into the ball that had been prepared ahead of time the pink powder puffed in a large cloud and this grandma did some noisy loud happy sounds! Jonathan would LOVE this! I am having so much fun buying girl clothes, toys and hair accessories. I am really terrible at fixing Mckenzie's hair tho'. It's not hard to tell that this grandma has had no experience with keeping hair out of a little girls eyes.

isn't she adorable

So by the looks of things I was not very successful in not having a garden. It is true that I thought I wasn't going to plant much. And I only planted 4 tomato plants and about that many pepper plants. And there actually were quite a few things that I did  not plant that  I normally do. I bought green bean seeds, corn seeds and sugar pea seeds and onion bulbs. The rest of the stuff was old seeds left over from last year. I had several packets of cucumber seeds and planted them all because I did not expect them to grow very well. In fact its probably the first time in 15 years that I did not trellis the plants. I didn't think it would be worth going to the extra work since last year they did horrible and I didn't pick even one. Well they grew like crazy and I have picked pickles by the buckets! And I do not want anymore after Monday. My green beans produced like crazy and I'm done with them plus a friend picked enough for 30 qt. I only planted wrinkled old potatoes from last years harvest and they are growing amazingly well. Not a bug in sight. A friend informed me that if you wait until June to plant potatoes you will not have bugs. It sure has worked here! The corn is what is making my garden look huge again. I thought I had planted all the corn we would need and I even had plenty of empty space in the garden. I planted 4 rows the first time, the next time I planted 10 rows, that was supposed to be enough for all of us to freeze for the winter and my neighbor usually wants several hundred ears to freeze. But it came up terrible! So spotty and the rows were not full at all. I was so disappointed! So I decided that I had better plant some more since it looked like we were only going to get a half crop.  And I planted 7 more rows. The garden is still not full, so I really did plant less then normal. Well about the same time that I planted the last corn it also rained. We had had a little dry spell. And of all things ....the corn seeds that had not come up suddenly popped right out!! I don't know why . I don't know that that ever happened before! It still looks really weird because the same rows have many different sizes of corn! And of course the last 7 that I planted are just growing by leaps and bounds on weeks like this with so perfect weather. So I have lots of corn planted and if no disaster strikes and the critters don't eat it all we should be a bunch of corn fed people. And I have been pulling weeds this week...it was really bad!! But, you know what? Even tho the garden is work and I really hate when it is covered in weeds, I still love the feeling of crawling on my knees through the rows and getting dirty, hot and sweaty! There is something about the clear air and green plants that help to clear my brain, that take the fog from my body caused by intense business decisions. I get to be in the garden totally alone( have you ever heard of teenagers doing garden volunteer work) with my thoughts. No, I haven't been very successful at not having a garden, but it has been good therapy.

Recently I picked up a book at Goodwill, that is still the first section I walk to when I enter Goodwill, and the title is..When God Winks At You. It is one of those little books that has short little stories that you can read anytime anywhere. He says those times when a "random" good thing happens to you it is not a happening at all but it is one of those times when God specifically did something special for you. Its like when you are at the table and you look up and someone is watching you and smiles or winks at you. That is what those "random happenings" are to you. A Godwink.

I'm going to tell you about one that came to me on Fathers Day morning June 2018. I hesitated to tell this story because it is very personal and also it is so random I could not believe God would do that for me. After reading the book I decided I needed to recognize God's kindness.

Father's Day crept up quietly on us, I knew all week it was coming but the boys and I did not talk about it. However by Sat. night it hit me that I was going to sit in church the next day and listen to a Father's Day message. I was dreading it! I went to bed thinking.....I don't want to go to church....but I have to go to teach the youth girls sunday school class....I could leave right after that....but then I'd come home and sit by myself and have a pity party...whats so noble about that? I could sit on the back pew so no one sees me cry...and on and on my sorry thoughts went. I woke up Sunday morning with the same nasty train of thoughts. I didn't want to go to church but skipping was not going to be fun either. I took my Bible and sat at the picnic table to study the Sunday School lesson. I would deal with my sorry thoughts later. I was aroused by my phone ringing and it was the church phone relay. They said ," Due to power outage at church and several homes in the surrounding area services will be postponed 1 hour and if power comes on we will have Sunday School." I listened, stunned, in absolute amazement!! Why is the power off on a perfectly clear Sunday morning in VA? No storms, no accident, no fire. Just simply no power!! How can that be? My heart took on rejoicing because now I did not need to sit through a Father's Day message fighting my emotions. I was sooo happy. But I still found it hard for me to grasp that it really was a gift from God to me. Afterall, my thoughts were not very noble. And so I only told a very few chosen people. But after reading the book I  decided it was right for me to accept it as a gift from God because He really does care about my pain. So if I actually do hit the SEND button you will see that I believe "random" happenings are God's gifts to you and me. And I have made a new determination to recognize those "random" things and thank God for them.

I also want to be very clear that I do not think preachers should stop preaching Father's Day messages because it could be hard for someone sitting in the pew. No, not at all. I simply believe that God showed me in a very personal way that He cared about my pain that day.

Tell me about your Winks from God.