His way My Way

                                            
 I have been doing a lot of thinking about ways lately. So much has changed and I'm having a hard time figuring out a new way of doing things, mostly just in knowing how to be in charge of things.Even though Jonathan was not working for a long time already I still asked for his advice, his opinion and his direction for almost everything we did. I hate making the final call on plans.
 I've been thinking about the things we wanted to do together when we get older or maybe even before we get old. Things like cooking at Calvary Bible School, or cooking on a CAM project or taking our family on a western trip.Of watching our boys grow up and get married, of having grandchildren. Sitting on the porch with gray hair and talking loud so we can hear each other without hearing aids.Celebrating many anniversaries, for sure 50, and still being in love. I loved the quote that said,"Grow old with me the best is yet to be". That was going to be our story...that was going to be our way.
 And then I read the verse in Psalm 18 :30 As for God His way is perfect. Perfect? This way is perfect? It feels all wrong. Its wrong that 5 sons have been robbed of there Daddy. Its wrong that my dreams are shattered. Its wrong that cancer caused him so much pain and snatched him away.I hate this way, its not even close to perfect.What is God thinking?
 And then I read Proverbs 16:25 There is a way that seems right to man but the end therof is the way of death. And I ponder again. What does it all mean for my life.Is His plan really better then mine, even PERFECT? Because He is God and because He is in control, because He sees the big picture and my vision is so limited, because He has promised to give me hope and a future and simply because I have chosen to take him at his word, for those reasons I believe this is the perfect way for me....but its hard.
 We have been working in the garden, pulling the weeds that were growing strong and tall since the recent much needed rains.Somehow for reasons unknown to me my sons do not get the same kind of pleasure and satisfaction out there that I do. Its a shame because they do like to eat it.I have salad greens that are beautiful and little peppers hanging on. The pea vines are nice where the rabbits haven't chewed. I had some potatoe bugs today so Carlin put DE on them. It is not a chemical and hopefully it will take care of the problem.I would like to have a bug free, critter free disease free garden but it does not seem to be in God's Perfect Plan so I guess I need to deal with it.
Living in God' Plan is perfect for me even when it feels all wrong.