Pressed and Broken

I think I told you that I needed to can salsa. Well I did, I mean we did. My daughter-in-law and I canned 40 quart on Monday and I need to do another 10 or 15. Honestly we don't live on salsa but we like it a whole lot!! And its a healthy snack...tomatoes, peppers and onions from the garden, non GMO if you please. I skip the sugar, duh, why would salsa need sugar, I use apple cider vinegar and homemade tomato paste. I was having a hard time getting it spiced to the slightly hot degree because my jalopeno peppers were not hot this year so I put some habeneros in, just a little and the flavor is great. I know by now you are drolling, it makes me want to eat some now too but I can't type and eat...I can't text and drive either! The problem with the healthy part is that the chips we eat with it are not exactly a health food, but they are a yummy snack. We also eat salsa with breakfast burritos, I put it in rice dishes and chicken casseroles. The flavor adds that special touch to a lot of foods and we love it. The most interesting thing about my boys and salsa is that they do not like plain tomatoes, onions, or peppers! (A few of them like peppers and onions) I think that is kind of weird...I mean all those things are the main ingredients to salsa. And then I thought, hmm, is that how God looks at me? Did He say,"You would be better if I turned up the heat, if I pressed you and mixed you until you lost your identity."And I ask God," Why, Why did I need to be tried so hard, why the heat on me, could I not be useful without this? I don't know, I really don't know. I would like to believe that he could have used me for His Glory without all this. Its some hard food for tho't, its some I don't even like but maybe...maybe? I want my goal to continually be to honor Him, to come forth as gold after the fire. But the fire hurts and I hate it.
 And then came the broken part. Literally! Jeremy broke his arm on Tuesday. I was 2 hours away visiting a friend. My phone rang and the voice said," This is Nate from JZ Barns, what shall I do with your son that possibly has a broken arm?' I replied with, "Tell me you are joking." To bad, but he wasn't joking!OK, not a whole lot a mother can do 2 hours away except make a few phone calls which I did so his Uncle Nate took him to the DR. and then to the hospital for xrays. I got a call about 2 hours later saying it is broken and then the nurse called me several times with further instructions for the following day to get it set and casted. It was all a fairly smooth process. He was tired of his cast less then 24 hours later but he had to get over it! In case you are wondering what happened....he was in the shop, building barns of course, actually, well, not right then. He said he was building biceps! He has been jumping up and grabbing rafters and swinging along to the other end. I had asked him one day if he ever tho't about what might happen if he missed the next rafter and yes he had, but he wasn't planning to miss. Well he wanted to turn around and head the other way and the combination of turning and lunging forward to grab the rafter didn't quite go as planned and he found himself on the floor with his right arm in pain under him. Had he just dropped straight down on his legs he would have been fine but because he was stretched out he landed on the floor laying on his side. Its only the 3rd time he broke a bone...when he was 5 he broke a leg on the trampoline and several years ago he fell and hurt his arm and we had it xrayed and they said it was a sprain and he had it in a sling for a week or so but last week the Dr. said his arm was broken before now so I guess it was broken that time too. Grandma Zook said that 8 grandchildren have had broken bones. I'm thinking the Zooks are high maintenance! In fact 4 of our 5 sons have had broken bones. The oldest only broke a finger, the next broke his arm playing football, and David and Jeremy both broke legs on the trampoline. I don't know what I'm supposed to do different!


my mother and 4 sisters

 My yard sale is finally history!! Yippee! I had wanted to have a yard sale in 2013 but then cancer changed all my plans. I had lots of stuff cluttering up this old house and it feels so good to be cleaned out!The best part about the yard sale was that 2 sisters from PA came Wed. eve. and helped me set up. The other best part was that on Fri. morning my Mother and 2 sisters from OH drove in and surprised us all. The 6 of us sat under the shade tree and watched people, Oh and talked a lot too. It was just great! The other best part was that I sold a lot of stuff! So it was pretty much all good but I was super tired when Sat. night rolled around.

missing him like crazy



 If you feel pressed and broken you  might want to believe that God wants to make something beautiful with you. It doesn't take the hurt away but it might help to bear the pain just a little bit. 
 
 

I think I Can Through Christ

This is a 2013 picture,I think about August
 

 Life continues to go on and we are very busy. The garden has done quite well, weeds and all, and the birds got way to much of the corn and the ground hogs got some cucumbers and the rabbits ate to much lettuce. They all seem to enjoy the free smorgasboard and they make me mad but then again its out there, no fence or anything to restrain them so why not...its a free world...well almost, at least for the animals it is. I still got plenty and I have another batch of later corn I hope to enjoy and I also hope to can lots of tomato goodies. This family eats salsa like there is no tomorrow!!


He loved the rhubarb pie that a friend brought.

 Its 4 month now since we said good-by to Jonathan. Time has a way of moving fast and many things have happened. Things like buying a new vehicle, the family room floor was repaired and new carpet put in, the property was sold that we had bought for hunting land and then it hadn't panned out so well, several major projects that were a trial got swiped off the list. Big sigh of relief and a loud Thank you Jesus!! I am so very grateful for all those answers to prayers.
 And so I suppose you would imagine that I am on my way rejoicing. Lets say I am trying and not always successful but I can with Christ. I am aware of the quote that says...A Negative mind will never produce a Positive life. So does that mean that my mind controls who I am and what I do? I know that if I focus on " I hate being a widow", I hate all the new adjustments", I hate being in  charge, I hate this new life. It is true, I really do hate it but dwelling on it is not helping me to be productive and I know that. Its just not always easy to act on my better knowledge. So what is a persons option? I remember when I was a little girl we had this book that was about a train engine going up a mountain,pulling a long train. He had to work very hard and began to chant,"I think I can, I think I can. When he got to the top of the hill and started down the other side his chant changed to " I thought I could, I thought I could". When I'm struggling with the hard things in life I think about the little engine" I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. And then I remember Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Isn't that a special verse!! I wonder if you struggle with anything? I wonder if you could use that promise? What is the hard work you need to do? Does God really care about every day struggles or does it only apply to life changing issues? I'm sure He cares about that huge laundry pile, that daunting stack of bills, those baskets of tomatoes that need to be processed, my attitude that needs and adjustment, my negative brain that refuses to think positive thoughts, those 25 pounds of extra weight, and the list goes on and on and on. You fill in the blanks, you tell God what you need help with and then claim that verse. Maybe you need the power to eat salad instead of ice cream, maybe you need to go have coffee with a friend and fix that broken friendship, maybe you need to invite a friend to cook salsa and work together. Whatever it is you really can do it, but you might really need to ask God for his help. I am simple enough to believe that God is interested in the simple as well as the difficult. He cares about all the things that trouble you.
 I am aware that life is not fair and that we all face things that were not in our plans.But I am so very grateful that all the promises in the Bible are meant for each individual person and the journey that you are on. Remember Jonathan's favorite line," It's gonna be OK".
 Last week it was a year that we went to KS for my nephews wedding. I regret that I did not take more pictures on that trip. We had so much fun!! My 82 year old mother, 2 of my sisters and their husbands and us. We all packed into a conversion van and it was one big party. We had not been planning to go along, after all, Jonathan was recovering from surgery, chemo, radiation and was on crutches. I never even considered going until one day he said that he wishes we were going to that wedding. Well when they heard that he wanted to go they made it possible and I am grateful for those memories! The 2 pictures of him laughing are the only pictures I took and for those of you that knew him will almost be able to hear him laugh. I have wracked my brain trying to remember what had been so funny but I cannot recall it. Somehow I think it was something my mother said but...Its gone. Happy anniversary Jesse and Jolana, You helped us make some great memories.
 This was the week for breaks. On Monday when we attempted to make fry pies the fryer would not light, or it would not stay lit. Several days later and several hundred dollars shorter it is now in working order again thanks to my father-in-law. My vacuum cleaner decided it picked up enough dirt and is sending out a high pitched protest and a nasty hot smell. I guess we should have hard wood floors and use a broom and dust pan to clean up. But thankfully vacuum cleaners can be repaired and carpets can be enjoyed.
 My friend Marty has spent another week at my house. She has earned titles like "best friend", best second mom, and best big sister". She talks of going home and we all try to extend her stay for several more days.I of course love having another female in the house. Someone who sees things from the same point of view that I do. That is one down side from living in a house full of males..our views differ and most times I am out numbered. Jeremy asked her yesterday why she always sides with me and she said, " Because your mom needs my support". Its all part of the fun we have together and the joy of family life.
 I met with a good friend for lunch yesterday. She to, knows way to much about cancer. The pain, the chemo, the overwhelming tiredness, the reality of fighting hard and wanting to live long for her family. Its not just pain that hurts, its pain that hurts the very core of your soul, pain of seeing your children in fear and anxiety because mommy is sick, pain of feeling that life is not fair for them. Its real and it hurts like crazy.
 Is life fair? NO. Is God good? YES! Is it a matter of the mind? No. But your mind does matter. Because how I allow my mind to look at my circumstances will help my perspective. I will never have a bright day if I paint black strokes on my pages, I will never get past despair if I only dwell in the middle of it. So Yes, I believe that the things I focus on do have the power to make me who I am.
 What are you going to focus on today? The things you like or the things you don't like? The things you can change or the things you can't change? The big problem that blocks your view of a bright tomorrow or the Bigger God who can change the view.
           I think Can Through Christ

My sister and her husband with us before the 2014 surgery